You ever get scared???

[Tmasgio]

I have to tell you guys I get scared sometimes more now than I did after surgery. It seems that when you are in the early stages of recovery the hope of getting better is enticing but then as you get later in the months and then "bam" nothing really changed. I know that does not happen to everyone but I sometimes feel like a hypochondriac worrying about what might happen going forward. I know alot of you are past the two year mark. When do you say "Hey, this is good as I am going to get and I am going to deal with it". I am nine months post-op but I have to tell you the changes are slow or seem even halted at times.

Oh well back to work. Lunch is almost over...

[paul55]

Tony, I feel the same only 8 moinths out. But I have conditioned my mind to look ahead 2 years because that is what i was told by the surgeon. 18-24 months. From what i read on Bills blog, there seemed to be some changes in his 2 year period. We can only hope, but i'm not going to get too optimistic. I can function, walking is a real chore my legs get real fatigued, but again i can only hope for the best.

Like you, I worry sometimes, but i try not to.

[drummer904]

Im still optomistic, even though im still in a wheelchair, it's too damn easy to get down and give up. i've kind of hit that wall were the improving stopped too, but that doesnt mean its done healing. But i do understand and know exactly what you're talking about. i had anxiety problems last year because of that and it took a while to get over. We just have to have faith and hang in there...

[Linda51]

Everyone recovery is different. For me personal I didn't see much improvement in the first year. I guess the reason why I went through 2 surgeries within 2 months time and I had the fusion during my 2nd surgery and than 6 months later after the 2nd surgery I went through 33 radiation treatments and that did me pretty bad. But as time went on there was some improvements and by the time I got to the 15 months I was able to drive again and by this time also I got my disability so those 2 worries really made a difference how I felt about my condition.

There will be times you will see no improvements and if your not showing any signs going backwards in your recovery you are really doing good and just keep your faith. It impossible to say what will happen in the first year or even in the second year so many things can start to happen that you never dream possible. And when you make it to your 2nd anniversary don't even think this is the best it going get because you don't know that. I saw improvements up to 5 years with my walking. As far as my right hand goes it got worse after surgery and never got better but as time went on I could accept that and I learned to do things with my left hand and I may be slower that way but at least I can write, type, feed myself and drive my car so life goes on.

It took me over 2 years to accept the new me but I did learned to like myself all over and today I have qualties about myself that I never had before this tumor enter my life. You will have periods of times probably for the rest of your life is the tumor back or in my case I still have some tumor is it growing again those are fears you can't help but have but everytime so far something had happen the MRI had shown everything stable maybe just a little bit more scar tissue. If I let myself I could stay in depression all the time but I choose not to do that as Kerry says depression is useless.

With time, patience, determination, and in my case with God's help you can get through this and never ever give up!

~Linda

[richard0314]

Hey Tony!
Scared, I think is an understatement. I remember crying myself to sleep taking pain meds just so i wouldn't feel the depresson of not being me. True it takes time, and you will recove some what over the two years, personnaly i think you just adapt to what you have, and what you are now is normal. Being over here in Iraq in a war has made me think a lot about things in general, putting into perspective things i once took for granted. you can recover from this disease but you first have to accept it, once you do you'll do things your afraid to do now, or feel you can't do. I learned that the recovery process takes a positive attitude even when it looks bad, I've learned that you never go through troubled time alone, there is always someone there. and i've learned if you look around someone has it worse than you and needs your inspiration to make it through spomething. In Sept I lost two friends here to road side bombs 7 days apart one of them died less than 12 hours after finding out he had just become a father for the first time, collectivly the support we pulled out of each other got us through that pain. just like the support we get from being members of this great site. What i learned is that the pain will always be there we just have to develope a way to deal with it in a matter of acceptance. What i learned is it's OK to be Scared of something. Wake up tomorrow with a song in your head and sing it out loud all day, you'll sleep knowing that gave it your best shot today at being you.
Lots of luck!
Richard

[Tmasgio]

Richard,
It is so good to hear from you. I am finding that I am adapting. I sometimes think that I have it bad and then realize I dont. My Father once told me that Pain is Personal. He is of course right. In my opinion what you have to deal with in Iraq is a tremendous test of courage. Thank you for the words of wisdom I will hold them true and find that song that keeps me going.

Tony

[clarissa]

i was told by one of my neurosurgeons that i could expect to see improvement up to even 3 years. and you made me remember that even though after my initial leaps and bounds, progress seemed slow, when i looked at (or someone pointed out) where i started, i could see the true extent of my progress more clearly. good luck and don't give up!