Your strategies for depression

[Linda51]

Hi Joel,

Just like the rest thank you for your honesty. It nice to see everyone is human on here and not always like everything is great all the time. We ALL need help from time to time as well as help others. You know Carol Miller used to get on here and give good advice and share her experience and always be positive on here. But......... behind the scenes she would email me all along needing encouragement and help. I know you and Carol was close and her birthday is coming up this month and her 1 year anniversary from her passing away is next month could this be some of your depression? I know it easy to get attached to people in here even if you don't ever meet them in person but if Carol was here she would say Joel get out there on your bicycle and have fun time with your family.

I agree in order to get help for the depression you got to get to the cause of it I could be way off from the Carol thing but whatever the cause is you will have to find that. Through my 14 years I have been through this as well but when I stop thinking about me and start thinking about people who has it worse that gets me out of it or I can deal with it better. If it takes medication to help you then that what you need to do. I also rely on my faith as well without God in my life I couldn't do anything. I know you use to go to the gym do you still do that? Exercise is another way to reduce stress and anxiety. When the last time you and your family took a weekend trip just to get away or took a one day trip? For myself I find getting in my car going for a drive does me alot of good.

Don't let the alcohol be your friend during this time. All it does is drown your problems at that time and then when your back to your normal self you still got the problem so do yourself a big favor get to the root of the problem and get rid of it for good. It normal to be depressed here and there but when you stay in that situation there is a problem that needs to be handle and dealth with. Life is to short so live life to the fullest.

Take care, and I hope you get feeling better soon.

~Linda

[Joel]

OK good peoples, I think I got it: stop dropping my sandwiches, take some drugs, ride my bike, find Jesus. Ya. OK den. I'll do it!
Joel

[tc]

Joel - See, even your reply on this serious thread made us all laugh!
Teresa

[Joel]

We went and saw/listened to Nick Vujicic (lifewithoutlimbs.com) this morning. Wow. There is nothing like listening to a guy with absolutely no arms or legs telling you how happy he is, to make you think, yeah I can do this. A pretty amazing guy.
Joel

[8338]

Joel,

Joel, you must be reading my mind from all the way out there in the west! I was going to ask how everone handles this tumor stuff and and the fact that it has changed their bodies. How do they deal with it? Then I read about your depression. Exactly what I have been going through!

I was also just in the bathroom (don't know why I thought of you - and this is before I read your toilet question, ha,ha) but I was thinking of how long it's been since I checked this board. And at that time someone was asking where Joel was. That got me thinking that you are one popular guy and people look forward to your humor. See, others have to point out what you don't see about yourself. On top of that you're quite an intelligent individual with writing books, being a professor and you are a great father.

Perhaps the fact that your body isn't the same as it was and it is probably harder on guys than women. Guys don't want to ask for help or probably feel more inferrior.

You know what Joel........there is a man at excercise that is totally parlyzed. He has to ask for help with the differant machines. He just has to swallow his pride.
After my first surgery I was on a mild tranquilizer and it took off the edge. Eventually I got off of it. I find that excercise or music helps me. Even going to work and getting my mind off of things help.

Don't go towards the alcohol. That just makes you more depressed and doesn't show you how to handle the depression.

Perhaps you need to talk to a professional who talks to people with life changing injuries or deaths. In a way your old body has died.

Just remember that your beautiful wife and children need you.
So do we-you make us smile :-)
Barb
PS Just happened to read Linda's post. Linda you're right- Carol's birthday is the 26th and her Ann of passing is coming.
HOW I WISH THAT I COULD STILL CALL AND TALK WITH HER. SHE REALLY UNDERSTOOD! !!! I really miss her.

[cindylee]

For Joel...there is so much sadness in this world. And I know there are many people who like to just make you as miserable as they are. There are many days when I struggle just to keep my tongue in check. It is depressing just being around them. The whining and the griping and complaining get to me after awhile. Then I start to just feel so down. My biggest problem is fatigue. I can take a nap and it helps me for a short time, but I am constantly tired. That wears on me. Then I just feel the sadness coming on. I also was on a low dose of Lexapro for about 7 months. I went off it because I felt flat...no emotion whatsoever. It helped with all the sadness and I felt better but I just had no really happy days or sad days..I just did not feel much emotionally.

About the only things that do help me is music. And my belief in God. I don't think I would be here without either. I have some friends, but I don't have the emotional support system that other people have, I have been out of the loop for so long, that close relationships took a back seat to everything else that was going on. I try not to think about that. I try to be around people who are happy and positive most of the time. But I do have days where I wonder when all of the surgeries and stuff will end and just what is the purpose for all this. Then I just keep going. And hoping for better days. We all have the chance for a better day because tomorrow always comes and brings a new chance to start over. You just have to keep going. I wish you the best Joel, and I'll send a long distance hug to you too. Cindy

[msweeney]

Hey Joel:

I've not been so good at checking in lately as life has been very busy. Kids back to school and settling in to new routines etc... So I’m sorry for the late reply to this. I 'm not sure I have any magic answers for you but I certainly want to reply because you are always there for all of us. So here are my two cents.

I really struggled with depression/grief about five months after surgery. When you are in the midst of it is hard for anyone to talk you out of it or to hear suggestions to try to break the cycle. And for me it was really a cycle, downward when it started and upward when I finally began to break out of it. So what will it be that breaks the grip, stops the downward momentum and gets it heading in the right direction?

There have been lots of good suggestions and different things work for different people. So for me what pulled me out was doing outreach work. I found an organization that appealed to me and found my way to really help out. What was great about that experience was that I was working with other people who were giving of themselves for no other reason than to help homeless women (the organization was a transitional women's housing facility). It is so wonderful to see humans’ compassion for each other.

Another amazing gift was to see how courageous these women were and the inner strength that they have to overcome such incredible hardships and in many ways to lead by their example of turning the tide of bad fortune and begin to take steps forward to reclaim their lives. That is the beauty in giving is that you wind up receiving far more than you give.

Now I say all of this with the following caveat. Depression can be situational or it can be chemical (meaning some people are just genetically predisposed to having bouts of depression). And sometimes situational can exacerbate chemical and vive versa. I am fortunate in that mine was situational, caused in large part by my grief over the loss caused by my deficits from surgery. Situational can be easier to overcome with the types of actions recommended through this thread. And sometimes it is just simply a matter of time. I think for me I had to allow myself to feel the full weight of the loss, confront it and learn to accept it. But there is that fine line of grieving and wallowing in it and the outreach really helped when I had to break away from the wallowing.

I have a close friend who struggles with chemical depression and it is so difficult to break that grip. Trying to talk a person out of that kind of depression is like trying to talk someone out of their spinal cord tumor. So for people reading this thread know that sometimes chemical depression needs to be treated medically by someone trained in such matters. And there should be no shame in seeking out this help, just as there is no shame in seeing a neurosurgeon when you find out you have an SCT. Also know that for chemical depression that alcohol works against you as it is a central nervous system depressant.

So Joel, I don’t know the root of your depression and do not mean to suggest one way or the other. Rather in any thread that discusses depression I think it needs to be brought to light. I also hope you realize what outreach you provide to all of us by your presence here on this forum. You are tireless in your efforts to make sure that people coming here have solid advice from someone who is sympathetic, articulate and knowledgeable. So please know that we always need you here! Keep checking in with us and let us know what works for you and thank you so much for your honesty!

Matt

[Joel]

Thanks to all, for the wonderful thoughtful replies.
Joel

[qhcrazy]

Hey Joel! Glad you started this thread, I think a lot of us, if not all of us, can relate to feeling depressed at one time or another. It seems to all stem from yearning "what was". I totally admit that that us what I yearn for, and I too get very down about it. I'm just a year post op., and this has been, by far, the most difficult and dark year of my entire life. I keep fighting what's happened and some days, I accept it, I think. I guess what works for me is having at least one thing to look forward to each week. Whether it's an outing at the mall with my kids, or seeing a movie with friends, or just renting a good movie. I always try to find something to look forward to. I also spend time with my pets. Animals have a way of making me feel better. They can listen and just offer company. I pray a lot too and make sure I am active in my church. I don't know if you are a religious person, but it helps me and keeps me going. What's Nevada like?

[chickiet]

Hey Joel,

I second what Matt says - he said it more eloquently than I could. But the key point is whether this is situational or clinical depression. We can all offer points and suggestions of our personal "cures" for situational depression.

Clinical depression is another story - it kills way too many people (don't get me going on this topic), and often there are well-meaning friends and family who try to "talk people out of" their depression / tell them to get over it, etc. That just doesn't work.

Listen to yourself, Joel, and make the honest diagnosis as to whether this is situational or clinical. If it's clinical, please get some help. Dennis & I would not want to have to walk for you as well...

We all love you and care about you - I know that doesn't fix anything, but maybe you can take some comfort in that.

Chris