Depressed? Come here and talk about it

[Think Positive]

Reading these, I am crying right now.

Staying busy is my way of not thinking about the depression. It's my "down time" that is the worst time. If I did not have my kids during this "ordeal" I think I would have curled up in a ball and given up. When I tell my family and friends that, they disagree with me because I have always been known as a very strong person. Sometimes it's very tiring to be strong though, isn't it?

My 16 year old son told me recently that I am his hero. He said it astounds him how I have been able to keep going and stay such a good mom! WOW!! That made it all worthwhile!

I can so relate about the dancing! My body wants to participate so badly and I give it my best shot. I may just look like a "gimp" out there but who cares, I'm still having fun!! Another thing that you women may be able to relate to as well is high heels. I didn't wear them a lot before, but not being able to wear them at all now really bothers me. It somehow makes me feel less feminine and is depressing to me.

Having all of you is a blessing. It is such a relief to have someone to talk to that TRULY understands.

Love, Kim

[Joel]

Kim:
I am sorry....! This thread was meant to get people UN-depressed, and it apears like it has done the opposite for you! Don't be sad. I firmly believe that what we have to do is fight to continue to find meaning in our lives. And it CAN be done! OK, so our physical selves are no longer as good as before. But our insides are untouched! What can I do with my other senses to bring me happiness? That is the big question, I think. Look at yourself in the mirror each morning and ask, "What am I going to do today to make my life more meaningful?" Maybe I'm being too peaches and cream today, but hey, I'm in a very positive mood right now!!!!!!!!!!!
SMILE!
Joel

[Think Positive]

Joel, the crying came from being about to relate to everyone. A good crying spell does a body good, I believe. One thing that I think is normal and important, is for us to all go through a grieving process of our "old" selves. Maybe that's an ongoing thing, who's to say.

For the most part I'm generally upbeat and those who know me would not describe me as depressed. If I were to dwell on this disease, then yes, I could be deeply depressed. I'm sure most of us here feel the same way. Life is too short however. I know that things could be worse - they have been worse. I was in a wheelchair and now I walk with a cane! I try to count my blessings every day. My SCTA family is one of those blessings!

I'm glad you are feeling good today! I feel pretty good today as well! Have a good weekend everyone!

Kim

[aliclement]

I can really relate to everything in this thread. Especially the one about everybody assuming you feel normal just because you look normal, and the one about feeling less feminine because of not being able to wear high heels.

I sometimes get depressed because of the things I can't enjoy with my kids, like bike riding. But I agree with Joel that having a comfortable routine that feels as close to normal as possible really helps. I work hard at staying out of the "victim" role.

Has anyone read Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth"? It has a powerful passage in it about not letting illness or disability define you. He says, " You may then think and speak of yourself as a "sufferer" of this or that chronic illness or disability. You receive a great deal of attention from doctors and others who constantly confirm to you your conceptual identity as a sufferer or a patient. You then unconsciously cling to the illness because it has become the most important part of who you perceive yourself to be." That really helped me to shift my perception about all this.

And like many of you have said, I try to live in gratitude. You just can't be grateful and depressed at the same time.

- Alison

[thistledown]

I am so glad to see the matter of depression raised. Mostly I try to stay positive but some days I just feel so down that I wonder how I am to cope. I had to give up driving so I got myself a mobility scooter and with the help f this I can now walk my dogs weather permitting. As I live in Scotland the weather is often such that I am indoors for weeks at a time with nothing to do but feel sorry for myself. I do try to keep myself busy, I make cards, spend lots of time on my laptop and read. I do have the support of family and friends however I find I hide my feelings from them, I put on a brave face so none of them are aware of how bad I sometimes feel. Today has been a terrible day for me I sat and cried for the whole morning thinking about all the things I can no longer do. I know I should concentrate on what I can do but it doesn't quite work like that. I haven't been on the site for a long time but today I just really felt the need to touch base with you all as I know you understand.

Jennifer

[chickiet]

Jennifer -

I'm so glad you checked back in with us - this is the place where you are not judged and are not expected to be anything other than who you are - good days and bad days.

Have you considered downloading Skype and setting up a (free) account with them? There are now 4 of us who are able to interact real-time. It is pretty cool. It might help ease the isolation - give you someone to chat with who understands. Skype allows for chatting (typing messages back and forth) but also supports audio - so if your computer has microphone and speakers you can even talk live.

Chris

[Joel]

Jen:
Yes, you can talk free to anyone anywhere, as long as they too have a skype account. I look forward to hearing your Scottish accent!
Joel