One year anniversary approaching...why so wheepy?

[donna]

I don't know that I was wheepy at my one year anniversary which was 7/12/08. Surgery was 7/12/07. I was told most of my progress would happened in the first year so I was a little bumbed when I still had to use a walker at one year. I still have trouble with my balance and wouls spend more time on the floor then up if I did not have my walker. Now I just found out about 6 weeks after my one year anniversary that the piece of tumor (ependymoma) that they had to leave in has started to grow back. In fact it has doubled in size from April till August. Am being sent to the Barrow Institute in Phoenix, AZ I am in Tucson. Still waiting to hear from them as to when I need to go up there. Apparently they are reviewing my records before they set up the appointment. It looks like I will probably need another surgery, so I will have another anniversary.

Donna

[msweeney]

Happy Anniversary qhcrazy! My anniversary is one day from yours. I'm September 27th and this will be my third anniversary. I remember some bitter sweet feelings on my one year anniversary. As my third year anniversary approaches I still get that sick feeling in my stomach remembering what it was like to wake up and have no feeling or function from mid-back down and not know what was coming back.

I decided that first year that I needed to somehow mark the occasion in a positive manner. I decided to serve morning coffee, scones fruit and juice at my health club. I decided to celebrate with these people because they were so supportive of me in my recovery and really watched and encouraged me through the whole process. I wrote a message to those who I missed in the morning and have copied the text of that message below for you. On my second anniversary I decided to share some positive reflections with my close friends and so I sent out a letter. I have included the text of that letter below as well.

This year's anniversary falls on my college reunion. So I will be going to the University of Washington's football game with college buddies by boat. UW is on Lake Washington, one of only two college stadiums you can reach by boat. We are playing Stanford and may win our first game of the year (our team has fallen on hard times). But I am going to be celebrating no matter what because like you and the many on this forum we are survivors. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. So do something for you or the people who have helped you through it make the day special.

Year One Note to Health Club:

One year ago this week I was recovering from surgery. A month later I walked through the doors of Pro-Robics for my first work out after that surgery to remove a tumor from the center of my spinal chord. I was on arm crutches and had little function or feeling in my lower extremities. It has been a long, hard road of physical recovery and much of it was accomplished here at this club. I will never forget that first work out. I didn’t much feel like I belonged in a health club because I didn’t feel too healthy. I must admit that I didn’t make much of an effort in my previous years to get to know other members, my loss. That did not stop so many of you from reaching out, offering me encouragement and support.

There were many days that I did not want to drag my legs out of bed, much less come here for a work out. I can’t tell you how much your smiles, words of encouragement and support meant to me on those days and many other days as well. Many of you shared with me your own struggles and through that I have come to know you better. Your support made me feel not only welcome at the club, but also made me realize that, as much as this surgery has been a hardship, it has offered blessings as well. The little kindnesses you showed me had a significant cumulative effect.

It is easy to feel that life is a rat race. Being cut off in traffic, put on hold by impolite customer service departments, treated as a number or password rather than as people can often desensitize and make us feel disconnected from each other. It is hard to keep pace sometimes, when you are slowed by disability. That can also feel isolating. Then something happens that shows you people are truly kind, compassionate, and that we care about each other. When people are kind you feel connected. That is the blessing that you all have given me and that has made my road much more enjoyable.

I am still hoping for more recovery and still have more work to do, but reaching the one year mark is a huge milestone. In celebration, and as a small token of my appreciation, I will be here at the club on Friday morning serving coffee, rolls, fruit and juice. If I don’t see you (especially the afternoon workout regulars), then please know how very grateful I am to all of you for your support and encouragement and teaching me that little kindnesses can make a big impact!

Year Two Note To Close Friends:

We all have certain dates in our lives that are indelible. Today is such a date for me. Two years ago on this day, Kristie squeezed my hand and they wheeled me through the double doors off to my date with the neurosurgeon. I had been diagnosed a year and half previous to this date and three months earlier we had made the decision to have the surgery. We planned the three month delay because we wanted the kids to be settled in school and I wanted to enjoy one more summer with my body uncompromised by what would be the fall out of my surgery. I look back on those months and they were joy-filled months. I got up every morning enjoying all the things my body could do that I had taken for granted throughout my life.

I planned some special events for that summer but largely I just enjoyed what I had spent so much of my life building. I enjoyed my wife and kids and my extended family and friends and the joys that a healthy body provides. Those three months were very different because every day and almost every moment were lived with a grateful heart and a very deep appreciation for the blessings of life and health. Life was precious in the most profound sense of that word.

Over the past two years, I have spent a great deal of time recovering from the surgery and adapting my life to my new circumstances. There have been many hard days and much beauty has flowed from my struggles and challenges. I have stumbled and fallen both figuratively and literally. I have grown and stretched and learned.

There is a remarkable ability for we humans to adapt. It is strange for me to remember what it feels like to jump up from a chair or to run up a set of stairs. It seems my body has lost the memory of that type of movement. Maybe that mind/body connection lets go of what hasn’t been used for some time in order to focus on what is being used. That may be a pretty good lesson for other parts of our mind. There are many days that I long for the things my body used to do. There were periods where I didn’t think I would be able to let go of the desire for those days gone by.

One of the many blessings that flowed from my experience is that simple lesson of a grateful heart. A grateful heart, as I found before my surgery, can change fear to joy and, as I learned after surgery, resentment to delight. I wish I could live the rest of my life as I did those three months before surgery. I am not sure that is possible; but I deeply understand that when I am focused on my blessings, my limitations become obscured and lessened. So on my two year anniversary I want to rededicate myself to living life with a grateful heart. With this message I want to remind all of my loved ones of this simple yet powerful path to better living. Perhaps with this message it may serve for you to look at life just a little bit differently. Maybe it will be enjoying the fall colors with deeper gratitude or taking time to thank a loved one for a special blessing they give you. As embraced by many faith traditions, our thoughts are the foundation for our acts, which become our lives. Thank you for allowing me to share this with you today. I am blessed by your friendship.

Matt…September 28, 2007

[qhcrazy]

Thank you to all of you. It's so wonderful to know we can all be honest here.

Matt: Thanks for the wonderful letters you attached included in your post. That's a wonderful idea to share! I spent a great deal of time at the Walton Rehabilitation Clinic here in Augusta, GA. They helped me a great deal, and I now have a greater respect for the whole physical and occupational therapy profession!

I have to tell you all something funny that happened to me last night at my son't cub scout meeting. This one kid was telling everyone about his Dad and how he was a recovering drug addict and has now devoted his life to Christ. Well, when he was telling everyone about how his Dad went to rehab., my son stands up and proudly announces to everyone that his Mommy was in rehab. too!!!!!!!! Only, it was a different rehab., but I didn't bother to correct him because he was so proud of me. It's one of those moments I'll never forget, and those are the moments that bring me happiness and that battle depression and makes me win over that gray, dreary cloud. ;D