morphine pump

[vickie]

I have a question and I hope someone can answer it. If any of you have read my "update" post, you know that my dear darling crazy son-in-law (okay he's bi-polar and a drunk who won't take his meds) stole my pain meds before stealing my car.
As in the past, with a previous doctor, I have self medicated myself. I was taking 40mg of oxycontin twice a day and six to eight percocet per day. which my pain doc wanted me to gradually drop down to three per day. Due to an open gall bladder surgery that caused "adhesions" to grow at an fast pace (my surgeon said he had never seen so much scar tissue and he pitied any surgeon that had to do surgery on my stomach again) I have been in extra pain, with the the stress of my family life and the pain I did not decrease the percocet but faithfully took the oxycontin at the correct dosage. On a Saturday I went to refill my daily med pack and found that most of my pills were gone. Knowing my past self medicating I assumed that it was me and threw the pills away. I called the doctor on Monday and told her what happened and I was done with pills. Withdrawals only lasted a couple of days as I had only been taking this dosage for about a month.
I have an appointment with my pain doctor on Tuesday to go over all this as she doesn't know about the theft. I cannot file a report as this jerk is in enough trouble and my daughter would never forgive me.
My question, will she believe me and if not do any of you think that a pain pump would be the answer. Then I have no ability to self medicate and I would be getting pain relief. When we first talked of this months and months ago because my neurosurgon thought that it was a good idea, she believed I was to young, 50 and I'm to young I love it
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to talk to the doc about this? I know I was wrong in not decreasing the dosage of percocet, but I'm sure she has heard it all but I can back up everything about my son in law except a police report about the stolen meds.
Any help or suggestions would be great.
thanks everyone
V ickie

[ScrapHeap]

Hi Vickie,

I am really sorry to hear about all the problems you are having. It is tough enough sometimes just trying to make some normalcy out of the day w/o all the extras. I have no clue what you might expect from your Doc after you fill her in on the details. Each Doc is a bit different when it comes to meds. Hopefully she will understand and do what she can to help you out.

I almost stayed away from answering this post because I didn't want to come off as condescending in any way. And I promise you, that is not my intentions. That said, I do not think you are doing your son-in-law or your daughter any favors by not filing a police report. Worse, I don't think you're doing yourself any favors by not filing it as well. He stole them. You need them. Making the theft official might even help. Certainly it would help w/your upcoming Doc appointment w/a copy to show.

You have to protect yourself first. If not, who will? I assume that your daughter and son-in-law are both of legal age. I just don't see the logic of not filing to appease your daughter's potential ill feelings. You didn't do anything wrong. It appears that she didn't either. What's for her to get her undies in a knot about? Maybe I'm missing something important. Or maybe I'm just weird/different on such issues?

[deirdre612]

I have to agree with Mike, you're not doing anyone any favors by not filing a police report. I understand that your daughter doesn't want any more 'trouble' to come down on her husband, but he needs the help just as much as you do. Does she realise that you will be suffering in pain because of what she has asked of you? As Mike said, you have to protect yourself first. Your whole situation seems like a really unfortunate sequence of events, none of which are the fault of you or your daughter. I don't want to sound judgmental in any way, but the two of you would be doing a much bigger favor by supporting each other rather than supporting your son in law's behaviour.

[Linda51]

Hi Vickie,

I read your other thread the other day and didn't know what to say back other than I was sorry this all happen to you and your daughter. I will say you need to do yourself a big favor and file a police report regardless what your daughter will say or do this is your life as well as hers.

Just so you will know your not the only one going through this. This is what happen on my kinfolks side of the family this past weekend.

My cousin and her husband was sitting in their trailor on Friday night and their oldest son walk into the trailor with an ax handle and he was swinging it back and forth and he went to his mom. My cousin husband got in the middle of them and got the ax away from his son and
threw it outside. Then his son started hiting his mom with his fist and finally his dad told him to leave and he got hit a few times as well. From the conversation I heard my cousin got the gun out and then her husband took that away from her she was doing that for protection. When their son got outside he found the ax handler again and started back in the trailor and the way it sound he got to the front of the trailor and this time the blade part he went to hit his mom and the door going to the bedroom save her life otherwise he would have chop her. He was aiming to kill his mom. We don't fully understand why he had this thought in his mind. He lost his job awhile back, his wife and him or seperated with 4 small children he got 2 and she got 2 and his wife got a new boyfriend so who knows what is going on in his mind and no doubt he probably was drinking and on drugs. His Mom came over to her parents house that Friday night after it happen she was scare to death and needed to be away from her house. She call the police and turn her son in and right now he is out hiding since the law is looking for him. At this point in time I don't know if he is by himself or if he got the two kids with him.

My cousin went to the ER on Saturday night and they did an CT scan on her. No bones were broken just bruise and sore and she cry so much until she can't cry anymore.

Just like my cousin son need helps so does your son in law sometimes the best help you can do is turn them in you may be saving your life and someone elses or maybe alot of peoples lives. No one is safe this day in time we are living in.

~Linda

[went]

Who cares what your daughter thinks? She doesn't respect you. Respect is earned, not automatically expected.

As for the husband, I still think you should have him attacked in jail.

If I were you, I'd distance myself from the whole lot of them.

[went]

Also, and I'm going to preface this with the statement that I'm not attempting to be rude, at all.

If your daughter is more than willing to marry someone like this guy, possibly have a child with him (I don't remember if she does or not) and then defend him; she's the same type of person that he is.

Just keep that in mind.

[ScrapHeap]

It always seems that our current or recent mishaps are so unique and/or imperative. We all have turmoil in our lives w/the sct issues, let alone intolerable behavior by others. Sometimes sharing those experiences w/others gives us some perspective. I will share some of my own. This is more than a bit wordy, so........

My son (now 25 yrs old) spent 6 years in the service. His later time was spent in Iraq. He came home a bit messed up (post traumatic stress disorder issues). I tried to help him from a distance. I really tried. I knew I really couldn't. He ended up divorced and worse. He remarried, moved back near town here, had more kids (too many), etc. He was/is still having some issues. When he got tossed in the pokey I refused to bail him out. His wife begged me to. My son never asked me to. Why? He knew I wouldn't as it wouldn't help him a bit or teach him a thing. He sucked it up, got the help he NEEDED on his own, and now is doing MUCH better w/life in general.

His mother (my ex) is a certifiable nut job. And unfortunately, he is at least half his mother (funny how that works). I spent 16+ years of marriage in an 18+ year relationship w/her. I TRIED my damnedest to fix her, help her, what have you. Eventually I realized that it was futile. It was ignorant of me to think I could (i'm not qualified). I realized, eventually, that she wasn't interested in helping herself so I could do NOTHING for her... Except for being what I was (and didn't realize it at the time)... an ENABLER. Yep! That's exactly what I was, an enabler.

I'll spare you all the irrational drama that took place over time. Shorter version is I studied custody law online for many months, prepared my case and turned it over to my divorce/custody lawyer. I got full custody and received my legal divorce in about 6 weeks. My son was only 14 at the time. As soon as I received my "you earned a new lease on life" card, I took my son, a few belongings, and SPLIT. I got as far away as I possibly could and still be able to afford some sort of respectable diggs for my son and me.

Point is, I am VERY GOOD at spotting mental issues w/most people due to my past experience. I have no doctorate degree. I have the degree from the school of hard knocks. I can spot psycho a mile away... can smell it from the parking lot.

You can not help you son-in-law. He has to want to, and proceed to, help himself first. It will be a life-long journey IF he decides to undertake it. Maybe years from now, if he sticks w/it, the two of you can begin to reform a new relationship. Until then, do whatever it takes to keep away from him... and ANYONE who acts/thinks like him. You must also cut through the BS and not be an enabler. That includes possibly telling your daughter where to get off. Or the short version..... "What Went said!" It's called tough love.

Again, we all have our crosses to bear. It's hard sometimes to think straight and make order in the midst of chaos. But practice makes perfect. No! Scratch that! PERFECT PRACTICE makes perfect. Please stay strong and please let us know if there is ANYTHING we can do to help YOU.

[vickie]

Thanks for all the imput, I guess pretty much the point is mute as he missed his court date and now has a bench warrant out for him. He will be picke up in Reno on the 13th if he goes for that court date and do three years. I don't pity him, I am trying to have compassion for him. I think somewhere in his sick mind maybe he knows that doing the time in jail will drop him to the possible lowest level he can get.
I admit I have been an enabler most of my life, (I blame my mother, who doesn't? ) I spent a lot of time searching my heart and soul after I had to leave the state when I divorced my last husband. I realize that by not filing a police report for the drug theft (which I can't prove) and the car theft,(I talked to a friend that is a state police it's called unathorized use of a motor vehicle and since he lived with us probably wouldn't stick other than paying restitution for the loss of the car) He is going to do the three years thank God so I am content.
As for my daughter thank God she didn't marry him, she is trying to be tough when he calls she won't talk to him other than to tell him call me after you have been clean and sober and med compliant for a year and that doesn't include jail time. We have sat and talked I explained to her that she was making the same mistakes that I made and look how hard it was for her when she was a kid and had a father that was an alcoholic and mentally ill. It messer her up bad. I don't want her to put her two girls through that and I believe watching her that she will follow through with this. It's funny now that he is gone she is so much more calm, sure she is sad and heartbroken she was with him for eight years. Yet there is laughter in her voice a freedom she hasn't had for a long time. She actually goes out with friends and has them over. For her this is a first and I'm glad for her. I think that the new found freedom and the fact that she doesn't have to walk on egg shells anymore has made her a happier person.
In the long run, I hope the guy gets the help he needs, and I know that unless he wants help and until he admits that he is bi-polar and is an alcoholic nothing will change for him. I hope he makes it my daughter hopes he makes it if nothing else for his kid, but until that day comes she won't have anything to do with him and I do believe her.
As for the pain doctor, if she doesn't believe me, and why should she, she's heard it all before I'm sure, that is okay. I know the truth and that is all that matters. If I get no help from her that is okay too. I've lived with pain for most of my adult life without help from meds I will survive now. It will be hard as the tumor causes so much pain but I will grit my teeth and live with it.
I can't hate a person that has an illness it's not in me. I can and am angry for what he has done but I know I can't help him, and neither can my daughter only he can help himself.
Yet, in good conscience (sp) I can't hurt him or my daughter worse by adding to his time in jail just so I can have a doctor believe me. I realize this may sound like enabling but on Wednesday he will be paying for all the things he has done. I am saddened because everyone went out on a limb to help him from doctors, hospitals, my daughter, even his probation officers to no avail you can't help someone that doesn't want help.
I know that I am a survivor I always have been and always will be. It is one thing that I taught my daughters to survive and while life seems to be hard and unforgiving there are lessons to be learned in every second of our lives. I have no regrets, I don't wish that she didn't meet him fore I got a beautiful granddaughter out of it that lights my life and helps with the pain. As bad as my life has been at times, it has been grand at other times and those are the times I remember and in truth I look forward to the adventures that await me, whether they are in a chair, in pain or out, with meds or without life is wonderful because I am alive and so is my daughter and so are all of us.
Thanks again everyone