New to the world of spinal cord tumors

[susan]

I must wear kick me sign I am unaware of.
I do volunteer work on Saturdays at a wildlife center taking care of injured/orphaned animals in order to return them to the wild. I am currently not doing a whole shift of caring for animals as it requires manual dexterity and quick reflexes to care for the animals without letting them out of the cage or injuring them. I am mostly doing dishes and laundry and tentatively attempting to feed some babies here and there.
One of my "colleagues" (and I use the term loosely) accused me of "milking it" when I told him that I wouldn't be able to clean a large heavy pan he put in my pile of dirty dishes. I am a cryer and you know how it is if your are laughing or crying in a place where you shouldn't, you can't stop and I couldn't which made me cry more.
I feel bad as it is that I still can't do what I used to do. I am in pain every waking hour. I am back in outpatient PT/OT & my right arm is shrinking. And I need that kind of comment on top of it? Why on earth would someone ever say a thing like that. It's not like we are good friends and joke around with each other. I also could tell by the look on his face he wasn't kidding.
The only thing I can figure is that I look OK (unless you look a little closer) and it has been 6 months since my surgery. Surely I must be over it.
If it weren't for hearing other SCT survivor stories on this site, I'd be wondering if I was the crazy one. It is reassuring to know that my symtpoms aren't unheard of.
How do you react to someone who says a thing like that? (aside from a kick in the backside?) I was completely caught off guard.
I don't need anyone's sympathy, but a little understanding wouldn't hurt.
Susan

[qhcrazy]

Welcome here, and I just know you'll get a lot of support from everyone here. I know I have! I know what you mean about people thinking you're a "slacker". It's hard for people to understand that eventhough we LOOK NORMAL, inside we're not. I look at myself and I often think that people must think I'm crazy for needing a rest if I walk too long. I still have lots of tightness and burning around my middle, and my legs and feet still feel asleep. My back still feels like I have an iron rod right up the middle of my spine. But, you just have to do what you can and try not to worry about others. They really, seriously have absolutely NO CLUE what all this feels like after the fact!

[shannan]

Susan: Although my usual response is to get really sarcastic (sometimes a little passive aggressiveness is needed) or to lash out. I must say that my heart broke when I read about the comment from your "colleague". Although very difficult to do...sometimes the best thing is to state your feelings to the person. Often a person is thrown off guard with some very frank discussion about how their comments cause pain to others. Proper assertive communication is using I statements...I felt hurt, I felt angry etc. I truly believe that for the most part, rudeness is not intentional but comes from ignorance. The remedy for ignorance is knowledge. It's okay to cry and have others see that you hurt, it's okay to tell them that you are having difficulty. If all this does not help then kick them in the ass and celebrate that you can lift your leg that high for those of us who currently cannot.

[susan]

I think I will use that high ass kick as a physical therapy exercise!
It would incorporate strength and balance. I'll kick him twice for you.
I may say something to him the next time I see him.
I have decided I would like to make a suit people could put on to feel what I feel. Like the pregnancy suit I've seen on TV that husbands can wear to share that experience. I think they would be surprised that I am doing what I am doing. I don't think "milking it" would have come to mind.
I don't want a medal, just some slack until I feel better. (see, I am still thinking positively)
You guys are such a help. I appreciate it.

[paul55]

Hello Susan

I don't think you wear a kick me sign, if you do, then we all wear one. I think we have all experienced what you are going thru with insensitive people. Shannan I believe has the answer, ignorance, and how to take care of it. It's been one year after the surgery for me, and I still can't do many things. I don't even try for fear I'll hurt myself. I think at this point after one year, there may be more healing,(I hope) but I am now comfortable with myself and dealing with others who don't understand me or my issues. I just tell them flat out. It's amazing to see them walk away thinking they now have the kick me sign around their neck. Hang in there, you'll be fine.

[bethann]

Susan,

I think some people are so insensitive! Even very close friends say the wrong thing sometimes! I have grown more sensitive myself with others and their issues (I would like to think I was nothing like a lot of people we have encountered) since my surgery.... sometimes someone just has to go through this to understand! That is why it is great we have each other! This is such an understanding group!!!

Beth