Sick of your house?

[fromthesw]

Well, I am finally on the new forum! It took me forever just to login, not knowing that my password was in all caps this time! Anyway, my question is: Are you often(or always) sick of your house? This may not apply to the male gender tho.(my boys are slobs!) Anyway, I usually feel like I'm buried alive, and never will get things cleared up. I am in a wheelchair, and boy, to even put things away in my room is impossible. I can keep the living room nice, but no one is ever allowed in our bedroom! My poor hubby! Seriously, I guess I feel so stretched, why can't I just accept that my room will never be nice? I have offers of help, but only I can decide what to do with everything and organize it. And I feel like I am the only one that has this problem. Any women that can relate? At times it gets so depressing!
Cindy

[tc]

Dear Cindy,
Please know that you are not alone in this area. My house kind of fell apart in the last year with this SCT diagnosis and my physical fatigue. I feel like I will never get the house unburied. (For example, my diningroom table is covered with medical bills and insurance forms.) Also, I don't look sick, so it is easy for my family to expect the same level of service that I used to provide in keeping things picked up and neat. I find that repairmen and delivery people snicker when they discover that they have interrupted a daytime nap. It is easy to appear lazy to the outside world when even simple tasks have become laborious.
Well, hang in there and keep trying. From time to time, I have belonged to two groups for house maintenance encouragement: Flylady and Sandra Felton's "Messies Anonymous". Both have been helpful and don't stress perfection.
Teresa

[KAREN ALTMAN]

CINDY,

I,M POST-OP 16 YRS AND DOESN'T BOTHER ME ANYMORE BECAUSE MY POOR HUSBAND DOES MOST OF IT. I,M NOT LAZY, I JUST HAVE GOTTEN WEAKER/SENSATIONS WORSE. I NOW USE A WALKER IN THE HOUSE AND LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO DO A HOME EVALUATION TO HELP ME BE MORE INDEPENDENT. I DO HELP WITH WHAT I CAN AND OUR SON IS GROWN NOW AND LIVES IN PHILA. I ALSO APPLY WITH A NON-PROFIT CALLED ACCESSABILITIES THAT COME IN YOUR HOME AND HELP YOU NORMAL CHORES, DRESSING, TRANSFERS ETC. I THINK YOUR FROM ERIE,PA. I LIVE EAST OF PITTSBURGH. I WOULD THINK THEY WOULD HAVE THIS IN YOUR AREA SINCE IT'S THRU THE STATE. IT WILL TAKE 2 MONTHS TO GET STARTED. HOPE THIS HELPS.

KAREN A.
1991, RADIATION, 1992 C2-T3 TUMOR REMOVED DR EPSTEIN

[Linda51]

Karen,

This is a different Cindy from what you are thinking. If i'm not badly mistaken this is Cindy from AZ? This Cindy was at the Las Vegas Conference. I had to stop and think on this one as well since it was sign Cindy but the Cindy from PA not in a wheelchair and she doesn't have any kids so that how I knew the difference.

~Linda

[cindylee]

OK, this is the other Cindy in Pa. Not in a wheelchair and no kids, just a extra playful dog. When I was first healing from my surgery, my house was a mess. I also had nurses and therapy girls coming in for my Mom and I was determined to keep the house in as good an order as I could because I thought if I didn't, they would think I was not taking care of Mom and would put her in a home. So I did a little each day. One corner at a time. I also learned that ovens can hide dirty dishes in a hurry! I also had an upstairs that was a mess, but I never really allowed anyone up there, so I could just stash whatever up there. My biggest problem was taking the trash out on Sunday nights. Not a pretty sight to see a gal with a walker and dragging a bag of trash. I learned to do the surface cleaning...only what could be seen at first glance was dusted or cleaned every week. It was almost a year and a half later before I could get around enough to actually clean the house as well as I wanted to. There are a lot of tricks to making things easier to do...I learned to vacuum from my Mom's transport chair. Therapy places can offer lots of tips. And local agencies can also provide someone to come out and analyze your house and maybe move some things to get around easier. They also know all sorts of short-cuts. It may mean an adjustment in how you look at a clean house. But no one is really coming to your house to look at it..they are coming to see you. A hug from the other Cindy

[Cindy]

Thanks for all your replies. Linda, yes, I am the Cindy that was at the conference in Las Vegas. I remember you too.
Teresa, I think I will take a look at Flylady or Messies Ananymous. I wonder if that would help some.
Karen, my husband is a big help too. Dont' know what I would do without him. I do have some women come from church to help me clean every few months. But I am too embarressed to have them help in my bedroom.
Cindy, until I was in my late teens, I thought my name was Cindy Lee, because that's what they called me. Then I needed to get my birth certificate out for some reason, and then I saw that my middle name is Gayle!! I was so disappointed. I guess my parents just got mixed up. Easy to do with 6 kids.
I think the problem is that things don't change. If I need to replace something, like a picture, it doesn't get done. I realize that I need to be more assertive and ask my mom or sister to help me get the things replaced that are falling apart or broken. I feel totally spent in the evenings, and nothing gets done. My husband hates shopping.I also need to ask them to help me with my room. Its still so hard to ask for help, because I love to be independent.So I will have to speak up so that I don't get too frustrated. Cleaning is part of the problem, but also I need a picture replaced in the bathroom,and the guest bath fixed to look presentable.What is that saying, Change the things you can change and wisdom to know the difference? I can't remember the rest. Maybe someone can help me with this. But I really need to get a handle on these feelings and do what I can to make it better by getting help.
Thanks for listening and responding.
cindy

[tc]

Hi, Cindy.
The website for Flylady is: www.flylady.net/
and Messies Anonymous is: www.messies.com/
These are both great websites - very practical and not asking you to be Martha Stewart, just organized enough to be able to enjoy having people over! Flylady says, "Are you suffering from CHAOS?" Which she says is, "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome."
And Cindy Lee from PA: Thanks for your encouragement too. Little steps are the way to go. I will keep trying to get unburied. If you can do it while you took care of your sick Mom, I am inspired to persevere!
Teresa

[aliclement]

The saying is "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I think of this saying often when it comes to my house.

I have the same problem as Teresa ... I find it is easy for my family to forget that my body feels a lot worse off than it looks. I am a stay at home mom with two elementary school aged boys. Between mom stuff and all my health appointments, I am going all day long and completely spent by early evening. My husband works a lot and does very little around the house when he is home.

So I finally hired cleaning help that comes in every other week. And my sons are old enough that they have a list of household chores. Despite the help, I still feel frustrated about the condition of the house. I never seem to be able to get rid of the clutter, and it drives me crazy, because I am a perfectionist. I am trying to learn to let it go.

I didn't use to let my mom come in and organize, but now I do. I'd rather have stuff put in the "wrong" place than live with the mess. And to my surprise, many times I find I like what she did better than what I would have done :-)

- Alison

[cindylee]

Messy or not, I think of my house as my haven. From when the world beats me down too much. Here I can be whatever I want, throw things around if I want to, and gosh, even run around naked if I want to. It's my bit of paradise in the middle of this mean world. It's HOME. Cindy

[ScrapHeap]

I kinda feel stuck in the middle on this one. I like organization. But not to the point of one thing not going as planned wrecking most everything else. I don't mind "organized clutter." It helps me, especially now, reach what I want/need w/o assistance. But I feel little to no motivation to undertake the amount of clutter that has accumulated since my surgery. My wife does enough already. I rightfully can not ask or expect more from here. Though sometimes I am not extended the same consideration. I'm a big boy. I can take it. Sometimes I do make attempts to tidy it up. Most often it turns into me getting on about something I'm not quite capable of doing alone. Asking for help then means I have made more work for others. An Old Steeler's Wheel song comes to mind. "Stuck In the Middle With You." ARGH! I don't like that song anyways. Never did!

Point is I also feel the need to just cut loose every once in a while. You know, just stop all the worrying, drop all the mental burdens and have some harmless fun. Whatever that happens to be. Since I share the house w/my wife, who shares few of my interests in harmless fun, and a step son, well, I can't just do what I feel like doing. CindyLee's ideals come to mind. Sometimes I just need that atmosphere to share w/others or the space to do so on my own. I feel like throwing stuff sometimes. But I don't. Though I could easily be provoked into the running around naked thing. Well, maybe NOT run around naked, precisely. I can't run.