sexual functioning??

[Jack]

I was reading one of the members posts about an upcoming conference in Canada and it made me think about how others are adjusting and functioning when it comes to sex and "making love"?

Not sure if people feel comfortable sharing but it may help others with their concerns and sexual problems or lack there of.

In my case post surgery it took a week before I remember even getting an erection. I was still in the hospital at the time and had to call my wife to tell her I was so happy!! ;D Since then I have had problems not so much with getting an erection but actually "finishing the job" I will say because of the numbness!! It has made my wife insecure because she feels like she is not pleasing me enough to finish but that is not the case. With that being said our sex life has gone down the toilet. For me ejaculation has become a chore and sometimes quite frankly isn't worth the trouble. I have lost some interest in sex, probably because of this problem, as well as the side effects of the medication I take (Lyrica & Cymbalta cocktail) every day.

The origal post I saw talked about an upcoming conference topic that got my attention:

Workshop 2
Maximizing Potential for Sexual Stimulation and Positioning
Kate McBride, RN, BSN, CRRN
GF Strong Rehab Centre and Department of Psychiatry,
University of British Columbia
James Watzke, PhD
Technology Centre and Dr. Tong Louie Living Laboratory, British
Columbia Institute of Technology
Stacy Elliott, MD
GF Strong Rehab Centre, BC Center for Sexual Medicine,
Vancouver Sperm Retrieval Clinic and Departments of Surgery and
Psychiatry, University of British Columbia
This workshop will provide participants with updated information
on devices available for sexual stimulation and positioning
for persons with a spinal cord injury. Using visual images and
models, presenters will evaluate the devices in terms of their
own clinical experience and research findings. Implications for
clinical practice will follow, including recommendations to
incorporate information on sexual anatomy and physiology
(and physiological changes post-SCI) into client care.

Well I went first, any others bold enough to share their experiences??
Jack

[paul55]

Hi Jack

I hear you guy, same issues here! Everything worked ok just after the surgery, but got worse over time. I don't have an answer for it either. I have the same issue as you do. Also with my wife. You are not alone.

The best I can hope for is over more time it might get better. As many have stated here on an earlier post, keep trying or "Practicing" as they put it. I also have tried to explain to my wife it is not her, and continually try to inforce this.

Also, a lot of the meds can add to the dysfunction over the numbness we already have so maybe it is something to consider as well. Cyalis helps me.

I'd be curious to know what others may have tried as well.

Keep the faith.

Paul

[rugger8]

Same problem here with reaching the 'Big O'. Luckily my husband knows that it has everything to do with the tumor and the damage it caused to my spinal cord/nerves and not him. It has definitely affected our sex life but we adapted and found what works for us.
Jack - if you haven't already done so, I would direct any specific questions you have about the Workshop to Lynne before she goes to the conference. It sounds like it should be a very informative conference....wish I could go as well!

Kristi

[Joel]

I will ditto the other remarks. Rather than worry about it though, I just began taking Viagra or Cialis. It's simply another one of the many "adjustments" we are all forced to make. Actually the magic pills add another dimension to the art of making love...Heck, I know perfectly healthy guys who take it.
Joel

[peilynne]

Hi guys,
I can't wait to attend this session. It is the one my husband and I both are looking forward to. It's so weird, but all my doctors in the last 15 mos have not discussed anything to do with the sexual dysfunction with me. They may have if I would have brought up the subject first. Instead, I gathered info on my own, tried it and thank god it worked for me. So, I will gather any material I can get my hands on and hopefully some contact info from these presenters, for all of us. I've already received specific questions from many members which I am bringing with me to the conference and I am not shy to ask questions.
So, please forward me any questions you may have. In the meantime, enjoy practicing.
As well, I'll try and post some info I already have here.

[Jack]

Thanks for all of your responses. It helps to know that I am not alone with these problems. I have Cialis and Viagra samples from my Dr. and haven't tried them yet. I will give it a shot and see if it helps with the "Big O".

Lynn-I would be very interested to find out what they say works best in regards to "positioning" as well as other "tools, devices, etc." that help with stimulation?? I have a whole garage full of Craftsman tools that I will happily bring upstairs into the bedroom if it helps!!! Seriously though, are there certain positions that are more helpful in obtaining the Big O?? Being numb sucks and I will try anything to get back my old sexual being!! Any info. you get from the conference will be most helpful. Thanks for posting it up on this site!!
Jack

[Tmasgio]

We all have varying degrees of sensation. Some may have more than others but I think what works is to try different areas of stimulation. Sometimes our ears and other areas that have normal sensation can be stimulated to do the job. I have found the visuals are good as well. Hey, it is not all bad. Sometimes it can add to spicy it up a little.

[paul55]

I have an unusual question to ask some of you.

Has anyone done any research into this matter with regards to what actually is happening physically when a woman has an orgasm, some kind of explanation, and what happens during male ejaculation. What muscles etc are needed to acomplish this. Are there websites that some people have found that might enlighten others or have seen a urologist that has given an explanation?

I think having a better understanding of what is happening(or lack thereof) could help a lot of us.

Paul

[msweeney]

Paul's questions about what physically is needed for men and women to achieve orgasm is a good one. For the vast majority the issue is not really a muscular/skeletal issue as much as it nervous system problem, meaning the muscles were not damaged at surgery but rather the nerves which connect our brain to those muscles were damaged.

I remember having this very important discussion with my doctor after surgery. He explained that the pudendal nerve is a nerve in the pelvic region that innervates the external genitalia of both sexes, as well as sphincters for the bladder and the rectum. The pudendal nerve gives off branches that cover the above mentioned areas so it is not an all or nothing situation when it comes to sensation and function in those areas. So for males it is not just a matter of achieving erection it is also a matter of achieving orgasm as has been discussed in this thread and others. One of the main ways for men to achieve orgasm is through the stimulation of the penis, so again this would suggest the key role of the pudendal nerve. But men have wet dreams and that occurs without stimulation so perhaps there are other ways.

I will share, as I have shared in a past post, that I really struggled with my body image after surgery. I am fortunate in that my erections returned within a week of surgery and sensation was impacted but returned over months. I have some minimal sensation differences but very minor. So what affected me sexually was getting used to my new body. I felt like my body was damaged and that had an impact on how I felt sexually. You can’t separate out those components and I will admit that it impacted me significantly.

So many of you are saying your ability to orgasm has been physically impacted. If that is the case than any psychological impediments will just compound the problem. It is very much accepted that stress lessens the ability of men to achieve and hold erection and thus orgasm. I think I am just as capable of achieving orgasm now as I was pre-surgery (okay maybe a bit less as age plays a role). But the psychological impact of my body image had an impact on me and affected my sexual ability.

My suggestion is to try to resolve the psychological issues as much as possible because the physical problems may not be resolvable. Take the psychological issues out of the bedroom (or your preferred location). Some of you have referred to them, like worrying that your wife is frustrated or physically uncomfortable or for me feeling less because I couldn’t move around in bed as well, or just depression about not feeling “whole.” Those need to be resolved in order to give you the best shot (no play on words intended) at orgasm if you have a compromised nerve response.

Thanks to all of you who have shared so openly. I also know there was a sex therapist who spoke via teleconference. It was on the old website. I don’t know if we still have access to that.

Matt

[Linda51]

In Re: to Matt last statement we don't have an old website we do have an old forum. We do have the teleconference replay that you can still hear the sex theraptist and Dr. Klein answering some questions from the group. From the forum click on Link to main website: www.spinalcordtumor.org and it will take you to the front page of the website and from there on the left side click on the teleconference page. Scroll down and you will find both replays that can be helpful to hear.

I hope that will clear up any questions on the teleconferences.

~Linda