Emotional aspects of recovery. Feeling let down.

[mia]

Hi.  I had an ependymona removed 5 years ago. Like everyone here, it was a huge surprise and life has been tough.  Here's the thing.  I feel that my personality changed a lot  since this has happened.  Up until then I was perfectly healthy and didn't really need anyone's help/support.  In fact, I was the one going out of my way to help my family/others.  I was disappointed by the actions of my own family and in-laws.  The only person who was there for me was my husband.  It was a huge burden for him to be my only support.  But the thing is, I feel I've become a harder person in general (aside from my children).  I used to give people the benefit of the doubt and let a lot of slights slide.  I was nonconfrontational.  After the tumor, I'm the exact opposite.  I've cut family members off, set boundaries, and I'm happier now.  I'm just very bitter at all the years I wasted being nice to people who I feel let me down when I needed them.  They now want back in my life, but I just don't feel the same way about them anymore.  In this forum you hear a lot about supportive friends and family helping people recover.  Does anyone have insight on the other reality?

[samuridude]

You've entered the twilight zone, the real world. Some people get lucky and never see the ugly parts of humanity. In times of crises we realize who are our true friends and you could fit them in the palm of your hand. I learned this at a early age and I too felt corrupted.  True friends, or love one is worth their weight in gold. That's just IMO. 

[mia]

That's how I feel...corrupted. Thank you for helping me to understand that I'm not alone in my experience. It's something I have a hard time talking about but has affected me so deeply. Your response really helps.

[pringleman]

Hi Mia,

I understand how you feel. I burnt those who did not help or at least ring when i was sick. It amazed me how some people just treated it like it never happened when I recovered. Those people have poor emotional intelligence. They have issues that they cannot face in their own lives. For your own peace you need to forgive them and not hold a grudge. If they want to know why you are cold to them be assertive and tell them. Make them feel the discomfort of it - that is what they were/are trying to avoid. Get them to see the light. And then maybe you will feel less corrupted.

But my main advice is love those who were there. Spend time with those who matter!

PG

[gary]

you're not alone now feeling like this I feel the same way sometimes like where did all my friends go it makes you feel sometimes like a you know I really don't need anybody now and just want to rely on yourself to do everything I know it's hard sometimes but sometimes I feel like you just have to go alone.people don't understand &vthis kind of pain before I was a Athletes
ery active didn't rely on anybody phrase I understand it's very hard going fr

[gary]

Sorry I didn't complete I hit the wrong keys